Thoughts about our National Pastime and occasional thoughts for the Good and Welfare of the Reader (and maybe the writer)

Thursday, March 12, 2009

If Airline Executives Ran Baseball Teams

1. Fans would have to congregate in the parking lot and would be admitted to the ballpark in the order of their rows, with the higher rows entering first.
2. There would be a surcharge for carrying backpacks, large purses, or camera cases
3. If there are not enough advance ticket sales, the game would be subject to cancellation.
4. If a baseball goes into the stands and you want to keep it, they would accept Visa, MasterCard or American Express.
5. At random intervals, meaningless announcements would be made like, “We are going to slow up the game because there is weather ahead.”
6. Security personnel would be empowered to conduct random searches of all non-whites, particularly those with beards and turbans.
7. Fans would be required to remain in their seats during the 7th inning stretch.
8. Cell phone use would be barred during the 1st and 9th innings.
9. No game would start on time, but you would never know why.
10. Teams would agree to use two umpires and one team would leak the news that it was studying the elimination of third base.

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